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Day One Was Already Too Late
 
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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in myfakeprofile's LiveJournal:

Friday, September 15th, 2006
11:46 am
I just love how, in corporate America, when you get passed up (as a consolation, you were my second choice) for a promotion that, not only are you perfect for, but more than qualified for and the most deserving of, you are expected to take it "with a grain of salt" if you even want half a shot at anything else. You are not allowed to be bitter or angry about it at all. It pisses one off even more when the person that got the position instead was not only farther down the totem pole than you, has no idea what we even do in said unit, but only got it because they've been there longe and the only reason that they are qualified for this position is because they had "leadership" experience in a different job with a different company.

I also love how I get the pleasure of training this person on the company's new software once it goes live. Isn't that just fucking peachy? Oh, and did I mention that I get nothing out of this except the pat on the back for it? Did I also mention that because of that, I can't even transfer to a different department for another year? And I still get paid the same as I am now?

And these companies wonder why all the workers are "complacent" in thier "roles."
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
12:48 pm
there's nothing worse than having something but not being able to fully partake in it's fruits. as i find myself in this situation, i see that, even if it's miserable now, it will be the best thing in a few months or so. still, somehow it feels as if nothing has changed and the paranoid side of me says i'm going to get screwed either way in the end.

a kiss every now and again would be nice.

yet i still have the deck show to look forward to on saturday. it's sad how much i look forward to saturdays. i lurk in my pool of envy when people make plans around me that happen on other days and don't bother to ask me because they know my answer will be "no."

what a tangled web we weave.

on the bright side, i finally finished a book. i find myself having more time on breaks these days since all my smoking buddies seem to take most of the week off at any given time.
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
11:46 am
Listening to Larry Arms always reminds me of standing at the Fullerton el stop waiting in the goddamned rain. Either coming or going... it doesn't really matter.

How does one convey this to someone from California? Or to anyone not from here?

If they only knew how great mass-transit can be.

There are entirely too many "you had to be there" stories one can tell without sounding like an ass.

I guess I sound like a big hairy one.

So I spent the other night on Mike's couch again, pretending to be drunk because I needed it after a horribly shitty week playing the "I'll find ways to bump into or push you because I haven't had the nerve to own up to any feelings I have for you" game. Not that the relationship would be inappropriate or anything. Yet I still feel like I'm in grade school again and getting boys to like me because I secretly just like having my hair pulled and nothing else. Still, nothing will ever come of it because he hasn't the nerve and I'm tired of taking what I want.

Just another day of pretending nothing's going on.

...and I still have this urgent need to tell people about that time on the red line when you showed me that you shaved your legs for me even though I never asked and laughed in your face anyway.
Sunday, March 19th, 2006
8:28 pm
So I spent another St. Pat's being sober. It wouldn't be so bad if drunk people weren't so depressing. I guess it's easier to take when you're drunk yourself or at least tipsy.

My sidekick was a 38 year old man who is recently divorced from a woman he was married to for thirteen years. All he wanted was a home and a family. They got divorced because when she finally told him she was having a baby, she also had to fess up that it was not his. Not that it could be because at that point they hadn't had sex in years.

We ran into a girl he knew from work and she sat next to me and told me how beautiful I was and how pretty my smile was and she bets I have no problem finding dates. She tried to set me up with the aforementioned guy. She told me how she used to have it bad for the bald guy sitting three chairs down but that he slept with her best friend and he also slept with the girl across the bar. She asked if I thought the girl was pretty. I told her she was alright but no great shakes. She asked me if I thought she was prettier than the girl. I told her yes of course. She asked me if I was getting Mike liquored up to take him home and take advantage of him. I told her I could do that when he's sober.

She's the third person from work to try to set me up with him.

Some girl in the bathroom talked my ear off for 10 minutes in the bathroom about how crazy everyone there was while she put on her make up. She didn't let me get a word in edge-wise but told me about how her acne is getting terribly bad and said "look!" as she pointed to her lip where I saw nothing but lip.

I think she was a model.

There was a punk chick that went to the same show we did. She had a Casualties patch on her back so I asked if she was going to see them. She said she didn't know who they were and asked if they were good. i told they sucked but are great guys. She told me that she's a big poser and just got into punk that night but she liked it a lot and didn't think she was doing bad for an old broad.

Some middle-aged guy from the UK kept trying to buy everyone drinks, regardless of whom they were.

I got more felt up by the guy sitting entirely too close to me trying to ash his cigarette than I'd been in two years. That is until his girlfriend apologized by copping a little feel herself.

Mike asked why I was complaining and then remembered that he isn't turned on by lesbian scenes.

So we just sat and watched Pootie Tang until it was time to home when he put in an MTX cd and listened to me sing.
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
8:48 pm
The smell of February makes me think of...
This is always quite possibly the worst time of year for me. but only for the past 2. god has it been that long? the smell of cold warming up reminds me of sitting on the wooden porch and smoking badly rolled cigarettes (my fault) because we ran out and all the stores have closed yet we're addicts and , well, you know how it is, but we'd sit there and watch the neighbours have sex with the blinds open because no one can see you when you live on the 8th floor or something and wait....hey....someone IS watching....and they're raising their beers. what nice voyeurs!

but i'm getting off track here. we'd sit and talk about anything and wish we were smoking cloves like we did that one time before i realized what had happened and you forgot to not let me tell you what to do.

yeah. it still makes me think of the diner around the corner where the waitresses were some strange ethnic variation of Flo and sexually harrassed each other in a language i've yet to learn yet still managed to make me smile when i realized that he would be gone soon enough.

the letters you wrote sound a lot like someone else now and even though we're strangers i still have to wonder if you were telling the truth last year.

and if the situation the third party in question put you in is really any better than what i didn't do with you.

is really just jealousy masked as disgust?

do you ever feel that you made a mistake too?

Current Mood: blah
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